


Distant Dependence and Honey Healing

by nightmare_nostalgia



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Unrequited Love, bc she's a vampire, benny and ethan are 19, but aren't in college, but like eternally 17, but y'all already knew that, changed it up a bit bc I can, more tags will be added, no beta we die like men, only for a little tho, sarah's 21, used to be Chocolate-Colored Eyes and Starry Midnight Skies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:14:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightmare_nostalgia/pseuds/nightmare_nostalgia
Summary: "A thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got planes and trains and cars, I'd walk to you if I had no other way"orEthan moves to the states for a while a Benny falls in love at the wrong time.
Relationships: Ethan Morgan/Benny Weir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. What's it like in New York City?

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the song 'Hey There Delilah' by Plain White T's

Benny paced around his room, heavy feet hitting the floorboards hard enough for them to break. Today would be the first day he would talk to Ethan in 2 weeks. Ethan's family moved to the states for an undetermined amount of time for Mr. Morgan's job. A lot of things had changed since high school actually. Erica decided to go with the vampire council to some mission around the world and won't be back for another year or two, Sarah likes to come around every so often and then leave for longer and Rory dropped off the face of the fucking Earth as soon a senior year ended. No joke, as soon as that last bell rang he zoomed out of the school and was never seen again. Benny hopes he's ok. As much as the gang picked on and teased Rory, they loved him death...again.

But Rory wasn't Benny's number one priority now, that belonged to Ethan calling at any moment now, being able to see his face, hear his voice and laugh. The way syllables slip of his tongue so delicately. The roll of his eyes whenever he was tired of Benny's shit. How easy it was for him to think of a plan whenever someone fucked up. The way his smile could shine in even the darkest of rooms. The shade of chocolate his eyes held when the sun shone in all the right places. The way his-

_***brnng brnng brnng***_

Ethan. Benny's feet slide across the hardwood as he nearly misses the chair. His arm swings up and his hand harshly grips the mouse. His eyes fly up to the screen as the cursor darts from corner to corner until finally landing on the big green 'Answer' button. Benny's heart thumps against his ribcage in anticipation. Who know talking to your nearly life long best friend after 2 weeks was this nerve-wracking? The mouse clicks.

"Benny!"

"Ethan!!!" 

Tears threaten to spill out of his eyes, but with a forceful blink his eyesight becomes clearer. It's Ethan Morgan. The man, the myth, the legend. Benny gets to see him again. And yea, in person might've been more ideal, but that doesn't matter now that it's them again.

"So, what's it like in the states?" Benny asks. Maybe he should've asked how Ethan was doing first.

"Ehh. It's slightly less cold, but other than that there hasn't been much change. How are you? Y'know, now that I'm not there to be your second brain?" Ethan teased as he cracked a smile. The arch in his lips are contagious, or at least Benny thinks as he feels his cheeks heat up.

"Grandma's taken your place now....but I don't think she likes it very much," Benny responds as giddy as ever, "How have you been now that your cooler half isn't by your side?"

"I dunno," Ethan's tone drops. He sounds sad, "It's been pretty lonely I guess. I really miss you."

Ethan's vulnerable display leaves Benny sad that they can't keep their witty back-and-forth going, but also understanding the smaller boy.

"I miss you too."

A calm silence falls between the pair, the loudest sound being their breathing. Benny's bones feel like they're floating through space and his mind is fuzzy. How did the most important person in his life end up in a whole different country? He can't just go walk next door and hug him, or play video games, or fight monsters, or-

"I'm sorry." Ethan whispered.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry that I left you. I-I feel like this is all my fault. I miss you so much. I just wanna walk over to your house right now." 

"Hey. hey, hey, hey it's not your fault! And your not gonna be long for that long, right?"

"Well my dad said we might stay here for 3 months to a year."

Ok. Well. That is a long time. Shit.

"Shit."

"Language Ben!"

"We're not 13 anymore E. I can say fuck if I want."

"But you didn't say fuck. You said shit."

"Woah, I think that's the most I've ever heard Ethan Morgan cuss." Benny teases. Ethan's smile shines bright as ever and the taller melts into his chair.

"Y'know what? Time will fly by so quick you won't even know that I left." The smaller boy suggests.

"Yea, no, I think it's a _little_ too late for that." Benny admits. Ethan winces and makes a small hum in agreement. It's silent for a little.

"I-I actually have to go, but I swear I will talk to you soon."

"Yea, yea. Bye Ethan!"

"Bye!"

_***Du Do***_

Ethan's gone. And damn, it's never hurt this bad. Benny slumps up from his chair and throws himself onto the bed. It hasn't even been 5 minutes and he's already missing him.

"So, uh, when are you gonna admit it?" Grandma Weir says from the other room. Benny jumps up in fear at the sudden voice that no warning. He cursed under his breath turn over to his Grandma. 

"GA! Grandma! You gotta stop using that teleportation spell! And what do I need to admit?" Benny asked cautiously. Grandma sent him an exhuasted look.

"You know what? Nevermind! Find it out yourself, lover boy." And with a smirk, Grandma Weir poofed out of the room.

"What?" Benny whispered under his breath. Relaxing into the bed, the only thing on Benny's minds was Ethan. His hope. Benny wanted Ethan's hope. Benny just knew Ethan was hoping right now that he would only have to stay in the states for 3 months. Benny wished he had that hope. He wished that they would only have to be apart for 3 months. Benny doubted that though.

_***Vrmm***_

His phone vibrated on his bedside table. Benny lazily lifted his head from his pillow and stretched out his arm, grabbing his phone. Ethan texted him.

**E**

<Missing you :(

<Sounds like I'm obsessed 

No, it's fine. I miss you too>

What's it like in New York City???>

<Loud

<I wanna come back to Canada

<But the lights outside look good at nighttime :)

hm>

I bet they do>

Benny sets his phone down and closes his eyes. He tries imagining the beautifully colored lights bleeding into Ethan's house while he's trying to sleep. He bets they're bright. But imagining something brighter than Ethan's smile is impossible.


	2. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny make a discovery. Or Sarah makes a discovery for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is messy and all over the place. Sorry in advance.

The light from Benny's phone illuminates across his face in the dark of his room. Yea, maybe it was 3 in the morning and yea, maybe he was scrolling through instagram and yea, maybe he was scrolling through Ethan's instagram page, but he swears those three thing have no correlation. God he needs to get an occupation. Or a girlfriend. Or more friends in general. 

Speaking of friends, it seems as Ethan had made a new one. In his newest post he's with a girl. She has light brown, curly hair that flows just past her shoulders. Her eyes shine a golden that Benny hasn't even seen on his Grandma's potion shelf. Her skin color is an elegant tone of almond. Her smile is wide and pink with lipstick. She was so so pretty. Benny was jealous.

"You jealous?"

"HOLY SHI-" Benny jumps up in surprise and the unknown guest in his bedroom and falls off his bed. "SARAH! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE!?!?"

Sarah chuckles and offers a hand out to the boy sitting on the floor. "Your grandma let me in. And it looks like I interrupted something..." Sarah trails off and let's her eyes wander to the phone that was laying right-side up on Benny's bed.

Benny huffs. "You didn't interrupt anything. I was just looking at Ethan's instagram. I miss him a lot."

"Yeah, I could tell."

"I-" Benny started to protest but the ringing of his phone makes all thoughts in his brain go blank.

The boy dives over to him phone and ignores the feeling of Sarah smirk shooting lasers into the back of his head. It was Ethan...at 3 in the morning...?

E

< hey ben are you awake?

< piper flaked on me for sleep

< :( 

lame >

ye im awake >

wassup? >

< call?

< I just wanna talk for a little

< if that's not a problem 

o, yea that's fine >

i have a surprise >

>:) >

<OoooooooOo

_***Incoming call from E*** _

"So, What's the big surprise?" Ethan's voice chimes seconds after Benny answers the call.

"Well, if you consider me a surprise then...BOO, or whatever." Sarah replies in her signature sarcastic tone. Benny wonders how she always seems so smooth.

"Sarah! Haven't heard from you in a while! How's the vampire life?" Ethan's tone is energetic and happy with small traces of tiredness. The taller boy likes the sound of Ethan's voice. So calming and passionate.

"Pretty shit actually. I miss the old vampire council, when my ass didn't have to be in charge. I have no idea what is doing and it's all so stressful. I'm glad I get a brake."

"wait wait wait wait wait," Benny interrupts, "You're head of the vampire council?"

"Oh yea, I didn't tell you guys already?" Sarah answers nonchalantly. Silence. "I really need to keep in touch with you guys, huh?"

"Yes!" Benny and Ethan reply simultaneously.

The three talk more and catch up, one of the main conversation pieces being Piper. You know, the girl in Ethan's most recent instagram photo that he can't get over. He needed information and he needed it now.

"So...this Piper chick. She your girlfriend?" Benny asks out of the blue which give him a powerful slap on the arm from Sarah.

"No! She's just a friend. Why? Are you jealous?" The taller boy can hear Ethan's wide smile and deep pink blush through the screen, leaving Benny's cheeks a slight pink.

"No! Why is everybody saying I'm jealous?! Is it too much to want to know the personal life of my best friend while he's in another country???"

Now it was Sarah and Ethan's turn to say "Yes!" at the same time.

Benny rolls his eyes and tries hard not to focus on this mysterious girl Piper, but he just can't help but wonder everything about her.

And he let's Sarah know as soon as Ethan hangs up the phone for sleep.

"I just don't think it's fair. Ethan get to met a beautiful girl in the states and I don't have any hot babes here." Benny whines as he flops back on his bed and let's out an exhausted huff.

"I don't know what's worse: you not referring to me as a 'hot babe' or the thought of you referring to me as a 'hot babe'." Sarah replies to the boy next to her and he chuckles.

"I don't know," Benny says after a while, "I want him to be happy and make friends, but I just don't want to lose him." Silence fills the room.

"You're not gonna lose him Ben. He loves you. He's not gonna give you up for a girl he's only known for what? A week? I think you're a little jealous." 

"For the last time, I'm not jealous of Ethan! I can find me a beautiful chick that will go on a date with me!" 

"I never said you were jealous of Ethan, you're jealous of Piper. I have a hunch...."

"Oh yeah? what is it?"

"I think that you're in love with Ethan."

Benny shoots and stares deeply into Sarah. Sarah just smirks. He's not in love with Ethan. Just because he thinks Ethan's beautiful and smart and charming and fucking perfect, doesn't mean that he's in love. Just because Benny likes to admire Ethan's shimmering eyes and gleaming smile and the way his nose scrunches up when he's disgusted and the way his face lights up whenever he has an idea.

"Just because I think he's beautiful doesn't mean I'm in love with him!" Benny responds after a moment of thinking.

"Benny! Oh my god! Are you even listening to what you're saying!?"

Benny think. And he thinks. And he thinks. And he thinks a little more. Surely he couldn't be in love with his best friend. It wasn't that deep. Benny doesn't even think he's been in love before, so how would he know? But this is a different feeling. He doesn't feel this way about Sarah so...

Benny's eyes dart up to meet Sarah's. She knows. She wraps her arms around his torso and he buries his head into her chest.

"It's ok Ben. It'll be ok." Sarah's smooth voice comes out buttery and comforting.

Benny's fucked. 


	3. I Know Times are Getting Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan has a surprise and Benny does something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're think "Nightmare, you still write this?" And the answer is: barely

One week.

It's been one week since Ethan and Benny last talked. 3:30 in the morning. With Sarah. Right before he found out he was in love with Ethan. And that's been a fucking rollercoaster ride. The feelings bubbling in his chest that just wouldn't go away would rise to his chest whenever he thought about Ethan's smile or eyes or his voice or literally anything. The guilt he felt for even thinking of the shorter boy in a more than platonic way left his bones feeling heavy while he laid in his bed. Ethan's been blowing up his phone nonstop and Benny's been coming up with excuses such as 'I'm practicing magic' and 'Grandma wants me to pick the herbs and weeds from the backyard'. He really hates lying to the other boy but he needs his space for a little while he sorts all of this out.

So Benny's in love. How bad can it be?

And with that mindset, he calls Ethan.

 _ ***Brnng Brnng Brnng***_

"What the fuck Benny! Why have you been avoiding me so much? I don't get it was it something I did? If so I'm sorry but I don't even know what it was." Ethan's worried tone came blaring through the speakers of Benny's phone. He decided not to facetime because that was way too much at once. 

"I'm sorry. And it's nothing you did, this one's on me. I just can't tell you why." Benny replies, all the same.

"Oh, fuck you. You're gonna basically ghost me for a week and not tell me why? Bullshit."

"I'm sorry but I can't. Not yet anyways..." Not yet anyways...

"Stop saying you're sorry. I overreacted and got too angry. I'm sorry."

"No you don't need to be sorry it's my fault. You're fine. We good?"

"Yea, but I am going to be expecting you to tell me why in the near future."

"Can do," Can he? "Anyways, anything new happening with you?" Benny could feel the warm smile forming on his face and mentally face palms. 

He can hear Ethan practically vibrate as he states, "I do actually have some pretty big news but it's whatever."

"Dude. I can hear you smiling so hard. I don't even have to see you. Just tell me, I know it's making you really happy. I wanna be happy for you." Benny knows it sounds cheesy, but it's true and he's done lying to Ethan.

"Well uh, P-piper kinda asked me out and we went on a date and whatever."

Oh shit.

Guess Benny's not done lying to Ethan.

Benny's face falls and he's glad he chose not to facetime. He doesn't feel anything, it barely even registers. Ethan? With a girl? No way in fucking hell.

"You? With a girl? No way in fucking hell." He says as he think. Damn that was harsh. And he was gonna take it back, but Ethan was already starting his comeback. 

"Well you better believe it because I got a date with her later today." Ethan says with faux confidence. He trying though and Benny knows that. Although, Benny's mind is starting to blur so he doesn't know shit except Ethan's dating Piper. A girl. 

Benny never really thought that Ethan would ever reciprocate the crushing feelings in his bones whenever he thought about the other boy, but before this conversation there was at least a sliver of hope.

"I don't believe it until I see it." Benny's pushing, he knows it. Ethan's determined. 

"I'm gonna prove it to you one way or another."

The phone hangs up. Benny wonders if he pushed too far and starts biting his lip. What the fuck is he supposed to do now? He calls Sarah because she's the brains right now and Benny's slowing losing his fucking mind.

"What's up?" her voice is smooth as always and her ignorance makes Benny mad.

"E-ethan has a girlfriend. Piper. T-the girl from a few days ago." And he's stuttering bc he doesn't know how to properly convey his feeling so he just keeps them in but he cannot keep these ones in.

And Sarah starts laughing. Fucking laughing. And Benny's shaking because what the fuck is happening. Breathing feels impossible and he's trying to keep his ground even though he's lying on his bed. Sarah stops laugh and goes quiet. Benny squeezes his eyes closed and grips the sheets under him.

"You're not joking?" Sarah asks hesitantly.

"Nope." Benny answers right after.

"Ok. I'm on the way." The phone hang up and Benny's not crying but tells himself he shouldn't be so emotional. It's Ethan. He's been girl crazy since Sarah was his babysitter. And that was what, 5 years ago. And Benny's been girl crazy since forever. What was so different now? A banging on his window knocked him out of his thoughts. 

"Come in Sarah!"

Sarah flies through the window and sits on the bed.

"You good?"

"Does it look like I'm ok?" Benny's angry. Sarah shouldn't have asked. Benny wants to apologize, but can't give a shit.

"Right. Well, he has a girlfriend. What are you gonna do?"

"I dunno. Nothing."

"WRONG! You are gonna get off your ass and distract yourself." Sarah stands up and attempts to pull Benny out of bed, but he lays there like a bump on a log. "You need to get over Ethan." Sarah's giving up and Benny feels like he's wasting her time.

"I don't want to get over him though," Benny admits and he's surprised when Sarah sits back down to listen, "He makes me happy. And I can make him happy. I've never had that connection with anyone else and I think we should take that connection to the next level."

Sarah sighs, "I know, but he don't think that. If you really love and care for him, you can respect his decision not to go further."

Benny jolts into a sitting position. "Ok, but that's the thing though. He hasn't made the decision. I haven't even brought it up to him that I like boys!"

"Context clues Ben! He's dating a whole ass girl and you still think you have a chance. Leave it alone Benny."

"No. I want him to say that he's positively, absolutely straight. Then I'll leave it alone. I promise."

Benny's always been an impulsive person, everybody knows that. Sarah was ignorant to not stop Benny from calling Ethan, but he had a point. So yes, this was stupid and pretty embarrassing, but Benny was determined.

"Ethan! So I know you're probably busy but I need you to answer a question." Benny spat out as soon as Ethan answered the call. "Also, Sarah's here." Sarah shook her head vigorously. She did not want to be put to blame for not stopping Benny from asking what he's about to ask.

"Hey Sarah! What's up?" Ethan responds.

"So Sarah had some speculations," Sarah shakes her head again but it's too late, "and was wondering if you were straight. Sexuality wise." Benny winces at his wording and the awkwardly quiet call and Sarah covers face with her hands.

"Um, yeah, I'm straight. What about you guys, huh?" Ethan answers after way too long.

"No." Benny answers immediately after. Sarah takes her hands off of her face to stare wide-eyed at him. He stares wide-eyed back. "......fucking duh." 

Sarah sarcastically whispers "Great save, doofus." and Benny just shrugs his shoulders because after you just out yourself to your best friend who you're in love with there's not much of a save there. So in his moment of panic, he hangs up the phone.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" Sarah screams and she has justification but still feels like shit.

"I DON'T KNOW I JUST DI IT I DIDN'T MEAN TO!!!" and Benny feels like shit too because he threw Sarah under the bus, found out Ethan's straight, outted himself with a shitty attempt at a save and abruptly hung up.

"Well he said he was straight so you can leave it alone. And I need to take a break from this whole situation." And with that Sarah leaves.

And Benny's alone with his big mouth and dumb brain and bubbling in chest and heavy bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but really plot heavy. I'll make longer chapters in the future if that's what y'all want from me


	4. I've Got So Much Left to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny's sad. Sarah seems to be keeping her distance. Grandma Weir give Benny a little push.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'allllllll back at it again. This chapter is very emotion and dialogue heavy and supportive Grandma Weir. Longer chapter also, at least I tried to make this long.

Benny misses Ethan. It's been a day since that whole phone call ordeal and Sarah hasn't answered her phone. He hopes she hasn't dropped off the radar again. He hasn't even dared to contact Ethan. What would he say? _Oh, I'm sorry I hung up on you after that really awkward conversation!_ Benny sighs and stares at his ceiling as if it'll transform into an answer for all of his problems. He wishes there was an answer to all of his problems, but he's dug himself into a whole too deep to get out. How did he get here? So deep in this whole, in his feeling. He's such a fuck up.

Benny rolls over and groans into his pillow. He feels like he's still in high school going goo-goo eyes over a girl. He's technically an "adult" or whatever. Sometime he wishes he was like Sarah and eternally 17. He wishes he didn't have to be stressed. He wishes he could worry about this in any other century. He knows Sarah wouldn't be too happy to hear that and as soon as he turns into a vampire he's gonna regret it. He couldn't live an undead life with Ethan. It sounds cheesy but when is he not head over heels?

Benny misses Ethan. He misses Sarah, too. He doesn't wanna be one of those people that are dependent on others, but obviously he needs a little more authority over what he says and does. Usually it's Ethan that keeps an eye on Benny, but know that he's gone he has to rely on Sarah. Sarah doesn't know much about Benny, they never really hung out one on one, so she doesn't know how to handle such a mess. Benny's a mess. A stupid fucking mess that can't do shit.

"Benny! You mustn't beat yourself up over a little mistake!" Benny could hear Grandma Weir's voice from the door frame and for a second he wonders how she knows about this whole situation, but doesn't question it because everytime he does she says something along the lines of 'because I know everything'.

"I know! But I feel so stupid because this could've all been avoided if I wasn't so impulsive and thought for even a second." Benny's still laying face down and his voice is muffled by his pillow, but Grandma can understand him and she rubs his back comfortingly.

Grandma sighs, "Look boy, it's ok to feel what you're feeling. Feelings are ok to feel and valid. And when your feelings are this strong, it's natural to lead with them instead of your head. You're growing up. You need to know these things before you go out into the real world."

"I feel like _because_ I'm getting old I shouldn't be making childish decisions." Benny flips over so that he's on his back.

"That's not the case. You were just acting instinctively on your feeling."

"Feeling are so overwhelming. I don't know what to do with them and I feel like no matter what I do people are gonna judge me."

"That is true sometimes. But when you surround yourself with people you trust, they won't judge you at all. You can always talk to me, you know."

Benny sigh. "I miss Ethan. I miss him so bad. It feels like I'm not myself without him. He's my other half. And it feels like I'm depending in him and I don't like that. I wanna be independent, but he is _so_ fucking pretty and I am in love with him, which is something I haven't admitted to myself out loud. I dunno, I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared of him. Scared of me. Scared of him seeing me? If that makes sense? Scared of him knowing who I really am. Not just that goofy, dumb boy that's the comic relief. I'm scared he's gonna see the vulnerable side of me. I'm scared he's gonna see Benjamin, the outcast who's mom died and dad fucked off. The emotional little boy that used to not be able to go a day without crying his fucking eyes out. I don't want him to see that side of me."

"Benny, if he didn't want to see that side of you, he wouldn't be your friend. He has been with you through thick and thin. He loves you, even if he's not _in_ love with you. I think he deserves to see the soft side of you."

"I know, but I'm scared he's not gonna like it."

"You can trust me, right Ben?"

"Yes."

"Well trust me on this one, he'll like you no matter what." Grandma caresses the side of Benny's face before standing up. "Well, I have to go to the grocery store. But remember what I said. And don't dwell on this for too long. I promise it will end out fine."

Grandma Weir walks out of Benny's room, closing the door behind her. How she knew all of this was beyond Benny, but he trusted her. She never let him down. So Benny takes a deep breath and texts Ethan.

**E**

hey e>

sorry about yesterday>

i didnt mean to put you in an uncomfortable position>

or whatever>

i wasnt thinking with my head>

or whatever people make decisions with>

the point is>

im really really sorry dude>

and i kinda need to talk to you>

so text me back or call me whenever>

Benny feels stupid for even trying. He knows Ethan won't answer. But he has faith. Faith in Ethan and Grandma Weir and faith in love because he is in love goddammit and something has to go right for once. So he puts his phone upside down on his desk and loading up RoboKiller 2 because he is not gonna waste his day starring at his phone, waiting for a text he knows will never come to him. He doesn't deserve it. He deserves to be left on read, to be ignored, to be joked about because Benny Weir is one big fucking joke.

He throws the controller down on his desk with a loud crash and sighs into his hands. When did he get so pathetic? When did he start thinking of himself this way? Maybe it was when everyone else thought about him this way. Maybe it was when he started proving these people were right. Were they right? Benny doesn't even want to think of the answer. What if they were right? What if Benny deserved loneliness and abandonment? What if he was just a joke? What would that mean for Ethan or even Sarah? Were they just hanging out with him out of pity? Were they forcing themselves to stick around?

Benny doesn't cry. Sure he's teared up, but has fully cried in a while. Benny's strong, or at least that's what Grandma Weir told him. So he's definitely not crying thinking about how there's a big possibility no one _really_ cares for him. He's absolutely not crying thinking about how nobody will ever take him seriously because he uses jokes to cover up his real feelings. He's clearly not crying thinking about how he'll never truly be able to understand his emotions because he's stupid and dumb and not at all smart. He's obviously not crying as tears run down his bright red cheeks and he sniffling really hard and trying his hardest not to make those ugly crying noises but he just really can't hold back now.

Benny slams his head against his desk and rests he forehead on the corner and it hurts like a bitch, but that doesn't matter because he's crying. No matter how much he'd like to deny it, he's bawling his eyes out. And it feels like the world stopped. It feels like it's just him, crying on his desk, completely alone. That is until....

_***Brnng Brnng Brnng*** _

Benny picks up his head that feels way too heavy for his shoulders and flips him phone right-side up. It's Ethan. He scrabbles to answer the phone, sitting up straight, and puts the phone up to his ear.

"Uh **-sniffle-** hello?" Benny hesitates.

"...Hi- Benny are you crying?" Uh oh. Looks like he didn't do a good job at hiding it.

"I- um- no?" The taller boy tries to no avail.

"You haven't cried in forever, something's obviously bothering you. You know you can trust me, right?" 

Benny's voice trembles "Y-yeah, I can trust you. It's really nothing."

"Ben."

"Can we just fucking drop it E?" Benny demands more than asks in an irritated tone that came out of nowhere. "I-I'm sorry. Really. I would tell you if I wasn't. Can we just move on?" 

He hates lying to Ethan, he really does but it's more of a defense mechanism. To make sure he still comes out on top with the jokes and stupidness. To make sure his character remains.

"Ok. Um, you said you needed to talk to me?"

"I did?"

"Yea, when you texted me a little ago."

Benny thinks for a second. "Oh! Yeah, um that was nothing. Yeah, no I, um, take it back? But how are you and Piper doing?" He didn't care. That would make him feel worse. But he loved hearing Ethan's voice and wanted to keep this phone call going for as long as possible.

"Well um. I haven't talked to her."

"Why not? Did you fuck up?"

"I-I don't know. We planned on meeting up yesterday, but she never came." Ethan sounded disappointed and Benny felt sad for him, he really did.

"Harsh dude. You ok? You really liked her, huh?"

"I mean, I guess. I feel like we rushed into it too fast, y'know? I feel like we were better as friends then we ever would be dating. Like we have to have a really strong bond. I think that's also why Sarah and I didn't work out. We didn't have as strong of a bond as, like, we do."

Benny can't tell if his heart stopped or just completely dropped out of his ass.

"I- uh- yeah! mhm. I know exactly what you mean."

It's silent for a little, until Ethan breaks it, "Hey Benny."

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk about yesterday?"

"Sure. I-I mean if you want to."

"Why? Why did you need to know the answer to that question? And don't try to hide behind the Sarah excuse because I know Sarah and that isn't something she would ask _or_ make someone else ask for her. So why did you need to know? And please be honest with me. I don't like it when you lie."

In this moment, Benny knew he was fucked. All of his structured lies and walls he placed up to hide his true self from the naked eye were all about to come crashing down on him and there would be no redemption from that point on. His character is cracking. So, he either lies more, which he really really really doesn't want to, or he fesses up and his whole 'funny' persona breaks and it's the real Benny. And that's his biggest fear: people finding out who he really is.

"I was just curious." Was Benny's answer, which wasn't a lie, but wasn't the _full_ truth.

"...and."

"And nothing! I just wanted to know!" Benny's stating to get defensive.

"Ben, if you're just gonna keep lying to me I'm gonna hang up this phone." Ethan's voice was still smooth and calm, but you can still hear his attempt at authority in his tone.

"No, please, don't."

"Then tell me the truth! Is that too much to ask?"

Benny sighs, "It's not that simple E."

"Then what is it? Do you just not trust me?"

"I do trust you Ethan! I just- It's deeper than if I trust you or not. I trust you with my life, but this is a me situation. I'm not ready. I don't trust myself. It has nothing to do with you."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Ethan. I need you to trust me with this one thing. It's not you, it's me." And Benny almost laughs at that, but he remembers that this is a serious conversation and can't joke his way out of it.

"You owe mean apology. I deserve an explanation."

"But I don't deserve to tell you."

"You sound so stupid. Did you mess up a spell that makes you make no sense?"

"Ethan, please."

"Please what?"

"I don't even know at this point. You're not gonna believe a word I say, so why am I even trying anymore."

And Benny hangs up the phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I do read the comments and do really appreciate them!!! :))


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